New Year = New Goals

I've been so busy the last 2 weeks, I've barely had time to breathe let alone blog. I still am crazy busy, but I thought I'd take the time to reflect today because it's my birthday.

Yes, I'm getting older. I hope gooder (lol).

I've been thinking about my life and I'm satisfied with it for the most part. I have 3 wonderful kids, excellent family support, true-blue friends, a job I love, and I'm finally on track to finish my education like I should have 15 years ago. All in all, I'm not doing too bad.

Upon reflection though, I realize that I've almost lost 2 important virtues: patience and belief in people. On the one hand, less patience is good because I've finally realized that I can't wait for people to change. People only change if it's worth it to them, not me. And less patience means I'm not willing to put up with crap. You do shit, I'm out of there! Especially if you're not adult enough to acknowledge the crap you've done and try to make amends.

As for belief in others, I feel that I was too naive before. I still think that people are inherently good and trustworthy, but I'm less likely to ignore suspicious actions. I used to refuse to even entertain the idea that people I know and trust could act dishonorably or cruelly; now it doesn't even make me bat an eye. In other words, I believe what people show/tell me about themselves. For example, if you show/tell me that you're a liar, I don't think that our friendship will change you, or that you even want to change... I certainly don't think that any talk/lecture/nagging from me will make you see the error of your ways.

See what I mean? I believe what people show/tell about themselves, which makes me believe less in people generally.

I think that the most serious side effect of my virtue deficiency (yes, I know how that sounds, but get your mind out of the gutter! lol) is what some may regard as arrogance. I don't think I'm arrogant, I just know what my strengths are and I also know what pisses me off. I really can't stand people who put up a front. Believe it or not, it's not that hard to psych out fakers. All I have to do is compare them to my real friends, because they're the gold standard in genuineness. Isn't that how analysts tell counterfeit money from real money? They study the original so they're able to spot a fake.

I don't think that acknowledging my strengths makes me arrogant. Willfully disregarding them is false modesty.
False modesty = knowing my strengths but pretending I don't have any; vs
Real modesty = knowing and acknowledging my strengths, and realizing that everyone has strengths. I don't think I'm better/worse than anyone else. I am comfortable enough with myself to let others have the limelight without malice. I'm not afraid to take the limelight if/when it's necessary.
Most important = I acknowledge my many weaknesses and am working on them.

I guess that proves that I'm not lamenting my loss of patience and belief in others. It's a (normal?) symptom of growing up (I guess).

Anyway, I'm soooo looking forward to this new year. I have 5 major goals this year. I'll let you in on 3 of them:

1. get my B.Ed. I mean get the certificate in my hand. Graduate!
2. learn to drive. I know it's shameful at my age, but better late than never;
3. lose some weight. I'm already on a diet, but I need to kickstart my exercise program.

I'll announce the other 2 when I get them. Don't want to jinx it (lol).